Saturday, January 10, 2009

My Epiphany!

SO I DECIDED NOT TO MAKE A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION THIS YEAR SINCE I NEVER FULFILLED LAST YEARS...I STILL HAVE YET TO GET MY PASSPORT!  I DID PICK UP THE FORMS FOR IT LAST YEAR, BUT I STILL HAVE YET TO FILL THEM OUT!  ANYWAYS, AS THE CLOCK STROKE 12:00 ON NEW YEARS, I MADE A MENTAL NOTE TO TAKE EACH DAY OF 2009, ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I REALLY WANT TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT AND THIS IS EXTREMELY HARD FOR ME TO DO BECAUSE I HAVE WAY TOO GOOD OF A MEMORY TO NOT CONSTANTLY BE REFLECTING ON THE PAST AND IT IS SUPER DIFFICULT FOR ME TO NOT THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS SETTING GOALS.  WITH THAT SAID, I HAVE TRULY BEEN MAKING A HUGE ATTEMPT TO JUST LIVE IN THE PRESENT!  SO, MY RECENT EPIPHANY IS THIS, I JUST REALIZED YESTERDAY THAT THE HARDEST TIME OF THE DAY FOR ME TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT, IS WHEN I TRY TO SLEEP.  I HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TIME FALLING ASLEEP AND THE TIMES THAT I DON'T I END UP WAKING UP A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER WITH MY MIND FLOODED WITH THOUGHTS!  I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I CAN REMEMBER.  IT REALLY SUCKS TO BE 8 YEARS OLD AND HAVE YOUR MIND ON OVERLOAD.  ANYWAYS, I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT I AM A "LIGHT" SLEEPER WHO HAS A MIND THAT NEVER FULLY SHUTS OFF.  BUT, YESTERDAY AS I LAYED IN BED I REALIZED THAT ALL OF THIS THINKING THAT I DO, IN ALL ACTUALITY, IS ANXIETY!  IT HAD NEVER OCCURRED TO ME BEFORE.  SO, I WENT TO WORK AND TALKED TO MY COWORKER AND A CLIENT OF MINE ABOUT IT AND THEY BOTH GAVE ME SOME GREAT INSIGHT.  ONE TOLD ME THAT I NEED TO START STRETCHING BEFORE I GO TO BED AND THEN START TO FOCUS IN ON MY BREATHING AS I WIND DOWN AND ONCE I MAKE THIS A HABIT, IT WILL BE EASIER TO SLOW MY MIND DOWN.  MY CLIENT GAVE ME AN INTERESTING TWIST OF PERSPECTIVE ON MY ANXIOUS THOUGHTS BECAUSE SHE SAID THAT IT IS BETTER TO CARE ABOUT SOMETHING INTENSELY THAN TO NOT CARE AT ALL; THOSE WHO DON'T CARE AT ALL HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR AND RARELY ACCOMPLISH MUCH.  I JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO CARE IN A HEALTHIER WAY AND TO LIVE DAY BY DAY...WHY WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW, RIGHT!?